I Support Teen Moms, NOT Teenagers TRYING To Get Pregnant

I get a LOT of these messages on my Teen Mommies page, but thought I would write a post about how I feel about these type of situations:

"Hi my name is amanda i am 15 yrs old and i saw ur page and thought i would message u. i am not a mom yet but ive been trying to get pregnant for about a year now. my ex did not want to have a baby but my new bf said he would (hes 17) and we both feel we r ready. i helped take care of my lil brother who is 2 now and i know i could handle it. how could i get pregnant? could u help me in what to do? thanks."

I'm sorry, but I do not support teenagers or young girls trying to get pregnant. For one, this girl is still so young, in high school and her 'new boyfriend' is only seventeen! Girls like these are the ones who give teen moms a bad name, or so that's my opinion. Sure, I had my first at 17 and got pregnant at 16, but I didn't try to get pregnant. It happened, but I made the choice to keep my child and not have an abortion or putting her up for adoption.

I will never regret having my daughter but I do wish I was more educated about the risks of unprotected sex. If I had the chance to have waited to have my daughter, I would take it. Not because I feel I 'screwed up' my childhood, but it would have been nice to have been older and more financially stable and have been able to give my child the best life possible. I didn't ever want to have to raise my children and face my obstacles. I didn't ever want to have to raise my children without their 'daddy' and see me struggle to provide them a good life. I didn't ever want my children to have to grow up and feel that they are at fault for whatever obstacles I had to face.

I will never ever blame my children for whatever I have gone through. They are my blessings, my little pieces of heaven...I just wish I could've given them the 'perfect' life. My life may be more at ease now vs when I got pregnant at 16 so I could finally say I am giving them the life I always wanted for them, but in the beginning when it was just me and my daughter, I would lay awake at night and cry because sometimes I just didn't know how I was going to make it. I wanted to give her the world, but I could barely provide for myself. I didn't want to have to be away from her so I could finish school or so that I could go off and work to support her. I didn't want to have to leave her with babysitters so I could provide for her and myself. I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to raise her.

And that's what these young girls do not understand. Some of them feel that having a baby so young will 'complete' them or will make them feel loved, others just see their friends or classmates who have children and think it would be 'cute' to have one themselves. The one question I always ask these girls who come to me saying they are trying to have a baby is this..."Would you rather have a baby now knowing you may not be able to give him/her everything or would you rather wait a few years when your life is stable and be able to provide this child with everything?"

Sure, there's some girls out there who started their life young, got married...are financially stable and out on their own and are ready for a child. More power to them. In those situations, if they want a child...I support them. But for those who are barely entering their teen years and really have no idea what life is about yet, they really should wait before having children. They shouldn't seek having a child so early.

There's just so much more to life that they do not understand. There's so much growing up they have to do. I was forced to grow up, I had no choice. At 16 I had to grow up and start living my life as an adult. I gave up my childhood to be a mother. Although I would never take it back, I just wish I would've known.

And, that is why I am writing this post for those girls who are still so young and have a whole life ahead of them and they need to realize it's not so easy having a child so young. It's hard work being a mommy, it takes a lot out of you. All those plans and goals you had for your life are put on hold. While my friends were off going to college, I was at home taking care of my daughter until I felt she was a little old enough so that I could continue my education and be OK with leaving her with family. I sacrificed a lot to give my daughter the best life I could possibly give her. But, I held on. I pushed myself and pushed myself to give us a good life. There's a lot of young moms out there who simply 'give up' after having a baby. I have met a lot of those girls.

I have met girls who said 'their life was over' because they had a baby so young. No, your life is NOT over. If you give up on yourself after having a baby young, your giving up on that child as well. My goal is to push all young mothers to keep going on to pursue their goals and their dreams because anything is possible if you put your mind to it. Don't let having a baby stop you...that little angel should be your motivation to keep going.

So please girls, if you have the chance to hold off on having a child right now, then take that chance! Don't rush to have a child so early. Trust me, you have so many years ahead of you and when your time comes to have a baby, that moment is going to be so special to you. Finish school, go on to college, enjoy being young...get married...and then build your family.

And for those girls who had a child young or are pregnant and young, keep your head held high. Your an amazing woman and don't let anyone keep you down or tell you otherwise, keep thinking positive and keep your dreams alive because that baby is worth it. Those people who say you 'cant do it', save a special place in your heart for them. Because one day when you made it, you could go back to them and thank them for saying you couldn't do it...because those words are the ones that kept repeating in your head during those rough days when you thought you couldnt go on...and you'll be able to tell them that you proved them wrong. And boy how good it feels to one day leave them with their mouth wide open after you have proved them wrong!