Monday, August 31, 2009

It's A Good Day

I haven't posted on here in a long time, but I want to say today is a good day. I have been blessed a few weeks ago by a lady who donated a ton of items to go towards my 'Good Cause' and that is helping out teen mothers.

I'm excited about passing on these donations to a mother who could trully use them. I remember back in my times of need how I really depended on the help others to keep me going and how any little help made a big difference. This is my way of giving back and passing on that good karma, and it trully feels good.

I know this economy right now is affecting everyone which is why I am determined to give out whatever little help I can.

Today a lady also contacted me and has about a truckload of items! Only problem is I have no idea how I will fit this all in my tiny apartment! But, I will sacrifice it and take the items and pass them on to whatever needy family could trully use them.

I will post more later with what I have to offer in hopes that perhaps someone on here finds something they may need or know of someone who could use it.

Monday, June 1, 2009

I Support Teen Moms, NOT Teenagers TRYING To Get Pregnant

I get a LOT of these messages on my Teen Mommies page, but thought I would write a post about how I feel about these type of situations:

"Hi my name is amanda i am 15 yrs old and i saw ur page and thought i would message u. i am not a mom yet but ive been trying to get pregnant for about a year now. my ex did not want to have a baby but my new bf said he would (hes 17) and we both feel we r ready. i helped take care of my lil brother who is 2 now and i know i could handle it. how could i get pregnant? could u help me in what to do? thanks."

I'm sorry, but I do not support teenagers or young girls trying to get pregnant. For one, this girl is still so young, in high school and her 'new boyfriend' is only seventeen! Girls like these are the ones who give teen moms a bad name, or so that's my opinion. Sure, I had my first at 17 and got pregnant at 16, but I didn't try to get pregnant. It happened, but I made the choice to keep my child and not have an abortion or putting her up for adoption.

I will never regret having my daughter but I do wish I was more educated about the risks of unprotected sex. If I had the chance to have waited to have my daughter, I would take it. Not because I feel I 'screwed up' my childhood, but it would have been nice to have been older and more financially stable and have been able to give my child the best life possible. I didn't ever want to have to raise my children and face my obstacles. I didn't ever want to have to raise my children without their 'daddy' and see me struggle to provide them a good life. I didn't ever want my children to have to grow up and feel that they are at fault for whatever obstacles I had to face.

I will never ever blame my children for whatever I have gone through. They are my blessings, my little pieces of heaven...I just wish I could've given them the 'perfect' life. My life may be more at ease now vs when I got pregnant at 16 so I could finally say I am giving them the life I always wanted for them, but in the beginning when it was just me and my daughter, I would lay awake at night and cry because sometimes I just didn't know how I was going to make it. I wanted to give her the world, but I could barely provide for myself. I didn't want to have to be away from her so I could finish school or so that I could go off and work to support her. I didn't want to have to leave her with babysitters so I could provide for her and myself. I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to raise her.

And that's what these young girls do not understand. Some of them feel that having a baby so young will 'complete' them or will make them feel loved, others just see their friends or classmates who have children and think it would be 'cute' to have one themselves. The one question I always ask these girls who come to me saying they are trying to have a baby is this..."Would you rather have a baby now knowing you may not be able to give him/her everything or would you rather wait a few years when your life is stable and be able to provide this child with everything?"

Sure, there's some girls out there who started their life young, got married...are financially stable and out on their own and are ready for a child. More power to them. In those situations, if they want a child...I support them. But for those who are barely entering their teen years and really have no idea what life is about yet, they really should wait before having children. They shouldn't seek having a child so early.

There's just so much more to life that they do not understand. There's so much growing up they have to do. I was forced to grow up, I had no choice. At 16 I had to grow up and start living my life as an adult. I gave up my childhood to be a mother. Although I would never take it back, I just wish I would've known.

And, that is why I am writing this post for those girls who are still so young and have a whole life ahead of them and they need to realize it's not so easy having a child so young. It's hard work being a mommy, it takes a lot out of you. All those plans and goals you had for your life are put on hold. While my friends were off going to college, I was at home taking care of my daughter until I felt she was a little old enough so that I could continue my education and be OK with leaving her with family. I sacrificed a lot to give my daughter the best life I could possibly give her. But, I held on. I pushed myself and pushed myself to give us a good life. There's a lot of young moms out there who simply 'give up' after having a baby. I have met a lot of those girls.

I have met girls who said 'their life was over' because they had a baby so young. No, your life is NOT over. If you give up on yourself after having a baby young, your giving up on that child as well. My goal is to push all young mothers to keep going on to pursue their goals and their dreams because anything is possible if you put your mind to it. Don't let having a baby stop you...that little angel should be your motivation to keep going.

So please girls, if you have the chance to hold off on having a child right now, then take that chance! Don't rush to have a child so early. Trust me, you have so many years ahead of you and when your time comes to have a baby, that moment is going to be so special to you. Finish school, go on to college, enjoy being young...get married...and then build your family.

And for those girls who had a child young or are pregnant and young, keep your head held high. Your an amazing woman and don't let anyone keep you down or tell you otherwise, keep thinking positive and keep your dreams alive because that baby is worth it. Those people who say you 'cant do it', save a special place in your heart for them. Because one day when you made it, you could go back to them and thank them for saying you couldn't do it...because those words are the ones that kept repeating in your head during those rough days when you thought you couldnt go on...and you'll be able to tell them that you proved them wrong. And boy how good it feels to one day leave them with their mouth wide open after you have proved them wrong!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

What about the Teen Dads?

So...what about the teen dads? What about those who actually stuck around and put their life on hold to help raise a baby?

Well, I have not forgotten about them. It may look like this site is only dedicated to mothers...but I support all those teen dads out there 100% who put their life on hold and were there for their child since day one. I have upmost respect for them and credit all of them because it takes a MAN to step up to something like that.

I have helped and guided many dads to the right paths with raising their child. I have given advice, because we all know how scary it could be! Everytime I hear a new story about a new dad who has tried so hard to be their for their child...who has done everything possible to give their child a good life...my eyes literally tear up. I wish every guy thought like that, I wish every guy could man up to their responsibilities.

Unfortunately, as we all know, too many 'boys' run off the second they hear a baby is coming. For instance, my daughter's father, he took off and I never heard from him when I was three months pregnant. Three years later when he suddenly got a letter to go to court for child support, he all of a sudden flipped a 360 and wanted to be in my daughters life and get 50/50 for her. I wasn't having it. No way was this guy going to come up out of nowhere and take my daughter from me. A girl he didn't even know.

We went through such a battle in court, and in the end all he won was visitation rights.

I have a friend who has a little boy, he had to leave the army to come raise his son when he was just a few months old because his mother had abandoned him. I admire this guy to the fullest...he is the true definition of a father...a man and I give him all my respect. He's not a teen...but he has faced many obstacles and has come out of them and has raised a perfect, smart and healthy little boy.

I dont think people give those dads out there who are actually there for their children enough credit.

I have finally found myself a real MAN and I could say that proudly. I could not have asked for more than having my sons father in our life. Sure, we had our ups and downs and he had that 'new dad fear' but soon came out of it and he's a GREAT father and I admire him and I can't help but fall in love all over again with him whenever I see him with our son.

I really wish there were more resources out there for teen dads...and even single dads! My friend is a single dad and it's sad because society's main focus is on teen moms or single moms and I wish they could open up their eyes and realize that there's dads out there playing the mom role. Dads who took on the responsibility as the mother/father for a child that their mother abandoned or who just couldn't grow up and face the responsibility of parenthood.

If there's any dads out there who could use more resources or support or additional information, feel free to e-mail me. I may not be a professional or have all the information you need, but I will try my hardest to help you out because I could only imagine what shoes you are in.

To all the REAL DADDIES out there...let's stand up and clap our hands for them!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A Message To All Teen Moms

This is just a little something I wrote to motivate all those young mommies and to continue doing what they're doing...because we are doing a great job!

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This goes out to all the Teen Mommies...to the girls who people have doubted. The ones they talked about and laughed about. The ones who they would stare at and whisper behind their backs.
To the girls who had to wake up early each morning to go to school. The ones that, no matter how hard it was, they never gave up. The ones who kept their head held high regardless of the gossips and the rumors. The ones who disregarded those who had no faith in them.
The ones who attended their prenatal appointments alone because no one was there to support them. To the ones who's parents kicked them about because "they will not let you live there with a baby". To the ones who's child's father cheated on you while you lay there pregnant with their child, and in the end decided they wouldn't be there in your life or your child's life.
To the ones who made sure to be the one first in line to receive Cash Aid..WIC...Welfare because no matter what, you were going to try to give this child the best life. To the ones who watched their child for the first time at the ultrasound and cried, not because you were afraid, but because you knew you would love this child endlesslesly.
To the girls who weren't on the right path in life, but with pregnancy it made them a whole new person. The ones who promised yourselfes you'll never go down that road again.
To the ones who hid their pregnancy with the baggy clothes and overalls, but at the end of the night would lay in their bed at night and rub their belly and cry.
To the girls who would pass the baby section at the mall and admire all the cute little outfits and only wish your child could have 'just that cute little one', but would deal with the hand me downs and not complain.
To the ones who people continuously would tell that they were 'just too young' and would not make responsible parents...but proved them wrong. To the ones who gave birth to an un-healthy baby and demanded every possible test to be given to your child. To the ones who had healthy babies and only prayed to God nothing would ever go wrong with their child. To the ones who only got to see their child for a short time after birth. This is to you.
For laying awake every night and checking on that child just 'to see if all was OK'. To the ones who panicked if your child didnt move within 2 minutes. To the ones who would lay there and just watch them sleep and go on and on about how important they are to you. To the ones who would hold their child and wish they never had to put them down. To the ones who managed a crying child in one hand and a pen in the other while doing homework at 2 a.m.
To the ones who raised their child on their own...and to the ones who had their child's father beside them the whole time.
To the ones who followed their babies every move just to make sure they didn't bump, fall or bruise themselves. To the ones who cried as their child got their very first shots, because admittingly, it hurt you so much more than it hurt your child.
To the ones who managed a colicky baby who cried for hours endlessly, but still at the end of the day, be able to tell yourself that you loved that child more than the world itself. To the ones who had to sit their and hear their friends brag about what a great Friday night they had and how they "wished you could've been there...", and you think about how that Friday night you were up with a sick baby.
To the ones who's friends decided that having a teen mom as a friend just wasn't 'cool' and stopped calling. To the ones who's best friend promised to be there for you, but only for you to realize that sometimes best friends do break promises.
For the ones who managed temper tantrums through a toddler, and the ones who had to force feed their one year old who refused to eat.
To the girls who watched their 'baby' grow up and realize they werent a 'baby' anymore and cried....to the ones who graduated and walked the stage. To the ones who applied at every job and every college. To the ones who continue to prove everyone wrong.
This is for the girls who never gave up, that despite all the negativity this world has towards us, you kept your head held high and disregarded the comments. To the ones who love their child more than anyone else on this planet...and would kill and die for them.
For the ones who continue to struggle but deep down you know one day all will be just OK.
To the ones who have already came out of the deep holes and are living the 'perfect life'. Remember, we may be young, but that doesn't make us any more of a less better parent or any less responsible. That doesn't mean we cant give our child a great life and that we will never be something one day. We've proved the negative people wrong...and we could keep proving them wrong. Don't let the people's doubts about us get into your head...keep holding strong and remember that we are more than what people make of us. =)

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Real Testimonials by Teen Moms

These are real testimonials from teen moms that are on my page: www.myspace.com/teenmommies

If you would like to add a testimonial please e-mail me at the e-mail address provided under My Profile.

"If I was to give advice I would say to just walk with your head held hi and see having a baby a blessing age is just a number and doesn't say what kind of parent you will and can be. I had my twin boys a few days before my 17th birthday in 2008 and it was the best day of my life. Sure I was extremely terified during my pregnancy to know I had two babies I would take care of since I opted to keep them but when they were born I knew that I had made a god choice and I knew that I could do it. So being pregnant as a teen may seem like the worse thing that could happen but just know it could be worse. Like you be told that your going to die of cancer. Havinhg a baby seems a lot better than cancer. So to all the teens mom in the world keep your head up and you can do it. If I can you can and I'm graduating from highschool in june so nothing is impossible."

"If I could give any advice it would be to not let statistics determine what kind of parent you will be. The numbers may say that teen mothers do not finish school or get good paying jobs. They say we get government help and never learn to take care of ourselves or our children. They say a lot of things about us...and while there is nothing wrong with choosing govt assistance or working to put food on the table instead of going to college, dont let the numbers be the reason you do so. Show the world that life goes on after the birth of an unexpected child at a young age. Show them that age doesnt determine what kind of parent you are. I love my little girl more with ever breath I take...I dont think my being 25, or even 35, when she was born would change that at all. Teen parents dont get nearly enough respect. I gave up my youth, my friends, (hell even my sports car!), for my daughter. I became totally selfless at the age of 18. I think that is more than amazing for someone to take on that kind of responsibility. And many of you have done it much younger than me. So I have rambled a lot but I guess that is what your website will be for! But I just hope all teen mommies (and Daddies) dont feel like their life is over or that they are any less of a perrson because they didnt take a socially acceptable path. "

"Hi, I don't usually put a lot of my story out there without being asked but I think it is important for teens to know the complications of pregnancy and childbirth so they have an idea and may not be blindsided like I was.My first pregnancy I was 16 and had been with my boyfriend a little over a year. I was 25 weeks pregnant when I went into labor, we both knew it was way too early for our daughter to come. While at the hospital my blood pressure went dangerously high due to preclampsia and my daughter was already crowning on sept 9th2006 my daughter Aubrey starr was born. She weighed just over a pound. Because of her size and weight I was told there was nothing to be done for my daughter. Her father and I held her for 21 beautiful min until the nurse reached over and said she was gone. We still visit our daughters grave frequently and we are still learnign how to cope. Our daughters death brought us to some extreamly dark times. We had gotten married when we found out we were pregnant and four months after our daughter passed we were two very different people who mourned our daughter very different ways. Losing our daughter brought us to divorce. I dropped out of school for a year. It was and still is the hardest thing to come thru.My 2nd daughter was born on sept. 21st 2008. The entire birth went very well (2hours start to finish) and she was very healthy even a month early. This was thanks to the close monitering of my doctor. I had preclamsia with this baby as well although they had it under control. I was on bed rest from week 12. I had the pupp rash( you basicly have chicken pox your entire pregnancy)Im sure there will be many teen parenthood stories and birth stories but I feel it is important to KNOW your voice while pregnant. Many teens like me in my first pregnancy, are too scarred and don't know how to speak up tp their Dr. or to get informed with their rights. If you have any questions please feel free to ask for more details.Thanks, chels "

"Being a mother is not defined by age but by love. Remember that you are no more or less qualified to love your child based on your age than any other woman is. If you want to be a good mother to your baby, you will be. I fully suggest doing research on attachment parenting, natural mothering, etc. If you mother in a natural way, you will be rewarded with a content baby which makes a happy mommy. For instance, wearing your baby (in a sling or front carrier) helps the baby feel secure, as in the womb. Also, follow your instincts, don't let anyone tell you to do something you don't feel is right for your baby, be it the baby's doctor, the father of the baby, or your own mother. I have gotten a lot of bad advice throughout my pregnancy and motherhood, people assume I do not know the right path because of my age. I urge you to do your own research and stand behind your gut feelings. I am 19 and I gave birth to my beautiful baby daughter when I was 18. I was meant to be her mother. Babies find their way into the world when they are meant to. I don't wish I were a parent at an older age because if I were I would not have her, not this child, not this intuitive little girl I love. Check out attachmentparenting.org and the mothering.com forums. "

Saturday, May 23, 2009

The Long Nine Months

When your pregnant, nine months sure as hell feels like a LONG time! Then, when the day finally arrives you think "Wow, I can't believe how fast these past nine months went by!" Funny how that works.



Every woman experiences pregnancy differently. It could be a breeze for some, and quite a challange for others. I now have two children, and with both of my kids my pregnancies were very different.



With my daughter, I had absolutely no complications. I was healthy, active and energetic. I felt completely the same as I did before I was pregnant, just with some extra pounds on me. In the beginning I did have morning sickness, but I never threw up. It was always just the 'feeling' of wanting to vomit. Yet, nothing ever came up. Feeling sick all the time made me loose a lot of weight. I was very thin as it was and loosing an extra ten pounds almost made me look sick. I was also always very extremely tired. I swore I could fall asleep standing up if I just closed my eyes.



After that first trimester, it all began to be a piece of cake for me. I was still in high school so I was always walking from class to class. Then, since I didn't drive yet I would walk home from school. The walk was about two miles long! Thinking back, I don't know how I managed to walk two miles every day while I was pregnant!



One of my biggest cravings when I was pregnant with my daughter was hot cheetos. Boy how I loved them! I would sneak out of my class to go to a vending machine just to get a bag.



I think it all paid off though in the end when I went through such a traumatic labor and delivery. Guess we can't just have a perfect pregnancy and labor and delivery, can we?



Four years later, I get pregnant again. I found out when I was about two months pregnant with my son. It was quite a shocker, but considering I had gone down that road again and was not seventeen years old anymore, I felt I could handle it. Plus, this time I actually was with my baby's father and he wasn't going anywhere.



My pregnancy with my son was a bit more challanging for me. I always felt miserable, ever since the very beginning. In the beginning I was always sick. Morning sickness was just absolutely horrible for me. I couldn't eat anything, I would gag every time I brushed my teeth and just about whatever I ate ended up coming back up.



I got very moody too, absolutely everything and everyone irritated me.



Shortly after my first trimester, I began to show. I started showing a lot quicker than when I was pregnant with my daughter. For most people, after the first trimester, pregnancy gets a lot easier for them. Well, not for me. One day I woke up with very bad pain in my belly button. I couldn't even touch it because how sore it felt. Then, little by little I noticed that my belly button was beginning to protrude a lot. It did not look normal to me at all. So, I went to my doctor to see what was wrong with it and why it hurt so much. Turned out that I had developed an umbilical hernia.



An umbilical hernia is when there is a small hole in the abdominal wall which is allowing tissue to go through. So, in other words, you have your insides beginning to poke through that little hole. Yes, pretty gross I know. It looked horrible to me. I couldn't even wear tight shirts without my damn hernia poking out fiercely. If it atleast looked like a cute belly button popping out, I would definitely have played it off. But, it didn't. It looked like I had a giant marble shoved up my shirt.



My doctor told me that developing an umbilical hernia during pregnancy was normal and that it should go away after delivery so there really wasn't anything they could do about it.



Not too much longer later, the hernia began to turn black. Oh did my tummy look very attractive then!



At about five months pregnant, my back began to hurt a lot. From there, the pain began to go towards my pelvic area and legs. It was horrible. It was so hard to get up out of bed in the mornings because the pain was so unbearable sometimes. Finally, I knew that the pain just could not be normal so I went to my doctor to let her know. It turned out that since I had dislocated my pelvic bone during my daughters delivery, now that I was pregnant again, the pressure of the baby was pushing down into my pelvic area right where I had dislocated it.



That explained it. No wonder it hurt so much, and even more as I got bigger!



Feeling that very first kick. With my daughter I didn't feel the first kick until about three or four months. I had felt it earlier on because I was much thinner. With my son I was able to feel him kick at about fourteen weeks! It wasn't exactly kicks, it was more like little butterflies fluttering in my lower abdomen. And since I already knew what to look for, I knew right away that was him. I also was able to find out I was having a boy at twelve weeks! I didn't know it was possible to know that early on, but I guess with technology these days, just about anything is possible.



As you get farther along in your pregnancy though, the kicks and movements begin to get stronger. For most woman, they begin to feel the first kick at about twenty weeks pregnant. So if your earlier in your pregnancy and still have not felt a kick, don't worry it may take a little longer.



I got a lot bigger when I was pregnant with my son. With my daughter, I was very tiny. At full term I looked like I was only six months pregnant. With my son, at full term, there was no doubt that I was just about to pop any day now.



Not only did I have back pain, a nasty hernia, horrible pelvic pain, but my stretch marks on my thighs were beginning to get darker! Like things just couldn't get worst for me. With my daughter I got a lot of stretch marks on my stomach and my thighs, but throughout the years I had used several lotions and little by little they were beginning to fade. Then with my second pregnancy, some of them began to get darker which I absolutely hated. But hey, it's a part of pregnancy that some woman will have to face!

Then...third trimester comes along. That's when every day feels like a week and that you just get to the point that you do not want to be pregnant anymore. I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy so much, but it was just so impossible. I was ready to have my son, ready for him to just come out already!

I was also gaining about a pound a week! I felt disgusting, huge and unattractive. And, as much as people tried to convince me how 'cute' I looked, I knew that I looked like a fat cow and there was no way they could convince me that I looked cute! Now that I think about it though, that's how I felt. But, when I look at pregnant woman I think they are very beautiful and I can't help but stare at their bellies because even after two kids, it still amazes me.

Hang in there though, just keep telling yourself "I won't be pregnant forever." Somedays it may feel like you will be pregnant forever. But, I promise you that you won't be!

At 37 weeks pregnant you are considered full term. By this time, you will be having doctor appointments once a week and at about 38 weeks your doctor may even begin to check your cervix to see if you are beginning to dialate. When I was 37 weeks I was already dialated to two centimeters, but that didn't mean labor was right around the corner. I ended up getting induced at 39 weeks with my son. I was also induced with my daughter at 41 weeks.

Most of the time, if you have not gone into labor on your own by 42 weeks then your doctor will schedule to have you induced.

I got a lot of false labor during my pregnancy with my son. I felt a lot of braxton hicks contractions. This is when you are feeling contractions, but are not regular enough to be actual labor. Once you are beginning to feel contractions five minutes apart and they are feeling stronger, then it's time to start heading to the hospital.

What does a contraction feel like? Well, when I was getting the braxton hicks, I just felt my stomach tighten. If you feel your belly during a contraction, it will feel very hard. These could get a bit uncomfortable. Once I was in actual labor, my contractions began to feel more like menstrual cramps, just much, much worst!

But finally, the moment came when I held my son in my arms and I realized that all I had gone through the past 9 months was completely worth it!

Finding Out Your Pregnant

Finding out your pregnant. Boy, what a tough one! It's not easy to accept the fact that you are expecting a baby at such a young age. It's scary, very scary because suddenly your whole life is flashing before your eyes and you don't know how to handle it.

I was sixteen when I found out I was expecting my daughter. I knew for sure that I couldn't go through having an abortion. I couldn't find it in me to do that.

But, every person is different. Remember, this is your body, your choice to do what you want with it and make sure that whatever choice you make, you could deal with it for the rest of your life. I will never make anyone do something they don't want to do. I am not here to tell you to run and have an abortion or to force you to keep your child.

I will help guide you through making whatever choice you feel is good for you. Everyone will put in their two cents to the situation. I've had people who have never even been pregnant tell me what I should do. The thing is though, everyone just wanted what was best for me. But, what was best for me? I think back and wonder what my life would be like now had I not made the choice to keep my daughter. What would I be doing? How would life be like?

Honestly, I cannot imagine life without my daughter. I know now that the choice I made to keep her has been the best choice I have ever made.

There was a friend of mine who had an abortion around the time I got pregnant with my daughter. She was 15 at the time and she knew that was the choice she wanted to do. It's been years since that day that day, and we both are living completely different lives. She is still enjoying her years being young while I am living my life as a mother.

My life isn't horrible, to me, it is perfect even when its not. Maybe I dont get to go out as much as I would like, and maybe I dont get to see my friends so often, but I chose my life to be this way and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Having a baby is not an easy job. It sucks a whole lot out of you, but some people are just fit for the job. Some people are not.

If you decide you do not want to continue with the pregnancy, remember abortion is not the only other option. You could also put your baby up for adoption and have a family who cannot have children of their own adopt him/her. There's something called an 'open adoption' where you still get to keep contact with the adopted parents and get updated photos of your baby and you may even be able to visit him/her a few times a year.

There are people out there to help you make the right choice and will guide you every step of the way of what to do. Remember, you are not alone.

Friday, May 22, 2009

How To Tell Your Parents

Ok, so this isn't the easiest thing to do...trust me...I know!



So imagine, a 16 or 17 year old girl who just finds out she's pregnant and has to face reality when her parents find out. The parents who always had such good hopes for her in the future. Really sucks.



I'm going to be honest, I was one of those girls that hid it as much as I possibly could until I was later confronted by my mother and asked if I was pregnant. Looking back, I know my mistake was that I should've been the one to tell her. It made things harder when she had to find out on her own after her own suspicions and confront me about it, and later be hurt about the fact that I couldn't go to her directly to tell her.



I know the very first thing you feel is 'fear'. Your afraid of how your parents will react because you know that they are going to be disappointed in you and you feel ashamed and all kinds of emotions at once.



The best way to do it, is just tell them. Straight out and simple. From my experience, the longer you wait, the harder it will be. If your parents are usually pretty strict and you know very well they are not going to approve of you being pregnant, then dont expect them to come up to you and hug you and tell you it will all be OK. Sure, there are some pretty supportive parents out there but my mom really wasn't one of those.



The day my mom confronted me had to be one of my worst days ever. I was about 3 months pregnant and the truth had finally come out. After that it was a whole lot of tears, fighting, screaming and two big broken hearts. My mom demanded that I get an abortion, something I was against doing. She said she had other hopes for me and that I didn't turn out being the girl she thought I was (ouch! Way to make a girl hurt!). She said so many hurtful things to me, things that till this day...4 and a half years later...I still remember. Finally, in the end of our almost three hour long arguement she told me "If your going to be stupid and decide to mess up your life by keeping that baby, then you could find somewhere else to live. Your not staying here with a baby and I will not support you at all."



That led to me running away two days later, the night before my seventeenth birthday. I left my family a letter saying that it was too bad they couldnt be there to support me, but I wasn't going to kill my child and because of that I had to leave since neither me or my child was wanted there. Harsh, I know. I went through hell.



The next day, my family found that I was gone in my bedroom when they had gone in there to say Happy Birthday. I later got a phone call from my sister which I obviously did not answer, so she left a voicemail saying that I was stupid and I ruined the family and because of me my mom was now in the hospital.



Apparently my mom passed out on the floor after reading my letter. I felt I had no choice left but to go home and face my family.



I went home and not too long later my mom got back home from the hospital. No one said a word to me. They acted as if I wasn't even there. No 'happy birthday'...nothing. I felt invisible.



Looking back, I know most of all of that could have been easily avoided. Had I just sat down and had a face to face conversation with my mom and just told her, she would have immediately put that trust into me and the respect for me coming to her. Of course, she still would not been happy and would have put in her two cents, but atleast it would've meant something to her knowing that I went to her from the very beginning rather than hiding it.



Now that I am a mother, I understand where she was coming from. Of course, I would never force my daughter to do something she wouldn't want to do but I would be disappointed because I only want the best for her. I would also hate to see the fact that she is following my foot steps, but having been there before, I know I will be with her every step of the way.



So, if you are stuck on how to tell your parents just face the fact that you have to tell them. You cannot keep it a secret forever. Simply say "Mom, dad when you guys have time I would like for us to talk about something." It's always good to start out with, "I know you guys are going to be disappointed in me, but it will mean a lot to me if you listen to me and help me out because right now I really need you guys."



With that, your telling them you need them. Your putting your trust into them and they are going to feel more trusting of you.



Regardless of how it all ends up, just remember to be calm about it and not fight back. Fighting and argueing back with them will only make matters worst. It's best if you just stay quiet or say "I'm going through some really hard times right now so maybe when you guys have cooled down and thought about it we could talk again."



Simple.



It will take time for them to accept the fact that their teenager is having a baby. It took my mom a very long time to accept. But even she came out of it and in the end was there for me, and now she absolutely loves my daughter and my son and nobody in my family could picture life without them in it.

Think You May Be Pregnant?

Everyone's body is different, and so everyone's body will react differently to pregnancy. The first biggest sign though is a missed period. Since I was always pretty regular with my period, once I was passed two days late with my period I knew something had to be up. I wasn't quite feeling the morning sickness or any of the other symptoms and so I tried to brush it aside. Being stressed out may also delay your period, so I thought it was possible that I was just stressing myself out thinking that I was pregnant.

Two weeks later is when I took the pregnancy test and it had come out positive. So, my next step was going to Planned Parenthood to get another pregnancy test to confirm the pregnancy. Sure enough, I really was pregnant and was 5 weeks and 3 days.

Some people actually get implantation bleeding when the embryo attaches itself to the uterine wall. This happens in the very early stage of pregnancy and some woman experience spotting which could be easily mistaken as a period. This is why it is important to keep track of your periods and whether or not they were regular or not.

Feeling tired? Well, when I was pregnant...this most definitely was one of the biggest symptoms of all! I always felt like I had just ran a marathon race. I was always tired and felt like falling asleep any chance that I got. Many woman experience fatigue/tiredness during pregnancy, especially during the earlier stages. Your body may feel weak and you will have absolutely no energy or motivation to do anything and all you could think about is that dear 'ol bed of yours. Oh, how I loved my bed when I was pregnant!

Gotta go, gotta go...make room for the bathroom! Usually in the first trimester of pregnancy, woman experience frequent urination. Oh gosh what a pain in the butt that was, always rushing to the bathroom and feeling like I was going to pee myself if I didn't make it in time. I felt I had absolutely no control of my bladder when I was pregnant. When I had to go, I had to go! Frequent urination could also be a urinary tract infection so its always good to check in with your doctor just in case.

Morning sickness! Why do they call it 'morning sickness' when it just feels like your sick all day long? Having nausea and vomiting is also another big symptom in pregnancy. I would like to describe it that it feels like a stomach flu that just lasts weeks or even months! Some people will feel sick just by smelling a certain smell, others just cant eat because they feel they're going to gag the second they see food. It's also common to loose weight in the beginning of pregnancy due to morning sickness. With my daughter I lost almost 10 pounds in the beginning! But, as long as you gain all that weight back in the end then you should be OK.

Having an increase in vaginal discharge? I know it's not the nicest subject in the world, but hey its also associated with pregnancy in most woman! It's pretty gross I must admit, and for me, I definitely was having a lot of it during pregnancy. This started for me in the very beginning. So, if your pregnant, its good to have some extra pantie liners in your purse. Normal vaginal discharge is usually clear or a milky color, but if your getting brownish discharge or another different color and it has a strong odor to it, definitely go see your doctor as it could be an infection.

Swollen/tender breasts. I actually was one of the few that did not have this symptom during my pregnancy with my daughter. But, if you have been extra sensitive to your breast do note that this is a symptom of pregnancy. You may also notice a darker areola which is the area around your nipple.

Other symptoms are also moodiness, irritability, headaches, lower back ache and food cravings.

Food cravings didn't come to me until very late in pregnancy. I was always craving weird things. It's not always the pickles and ice cream for every woman. For me it was sliced tomatoes with salt and lemon. Something I usually wouldn't eat, but hey I loved it when I was pregnant!

If you are having one or more of these signs/symptoms, you should definitely take a home pregnancy test and go to a clinic to get tested. There are tons of clinics out there that offer free pregnancy testing for teens or low-income families. You should do a search in your area. I was able to get my free pregnancy test at Planned Parenthood.

High School With a Baby

I was one out of two girls in my high school that had gotten pregnant the year I had my daughter. The other girl soon dropped out and I was the one who decided to keep finishing school.

We hear too many times that young moms and pregnant teens are just "ruining their life" and that they will never become anything. I remember one day when I was pregnant and getting ready to go to school, I had gone to wake up my sister so she could take me. She looked at me and said "I dont know why your still going to school, you might as well drop out, not like your going to graduate now."

I think those words are the ones that stuck with me the most since this had all started. I simply did not respond to her comment and just said "Can you take me please?"

She grumpily got up and drove me to school.

Looking back now, I would like to thank her for telling me that. Because with her telling me that, it motivated me to want to do it even more just because she said I couldn't do it. I told myself I wouldn't ever let someone tell me I couldn't do something. I would do it just to prove to them that I could.

I heard it a lot from my mom too. She used to point out young girls walking down the streets with a stroller and walking towards a bus stop and would say "That's going to be you. I never wanted that life for you." I also heard "You think someone is going to want to date you now? No one is going to want to be with a young girl who has a baby and no life going for her. Your just going to me a single mother on welfare."

I never argued back. I would just let those words sink into my brain. Not because I really believed them, but because I was going to prove them wrong.

Ok, so trying to finish school with a brand new baby is not the easiest thing in the world. It's very, VERY hard but if I was able to do it, then anyone could do it. To top it off, I was already behind in credits and I had been told previously that I may not even graduate considering how far behind in credits I was. It was going to take a whole lot of work to catch up so I could walk on stage. That was my goal, walking on stage with my cap and gown, receiving that diploma and waving to my family on the bleachers who would be there watching with my baby in their arms.

Honestly, independent studies was much harder than had I been going to regular school. I had loads and loads of homework to do, and always had a deadline to get it all completed but had no teacher to guide me through it all and explain it to me. I met up with an independent studies instructor once a week who would just give me a packet, some books and say "I need this complete by next Tuesday." That was it.

I remember I was getting no more than 3 hours of sleep at night, and was always up very early the next day doing homework. That was my life...feed baby...do homework...change baby...homework...feed baby again...homework.

Prom was also coming up. I remember my friends kept calling me asking if I was going to go to prom. All of high school thats all I ever fantasized about...prom. I couldn't wait until the day would come and I would talk about what kind of dress I would wear and how I would do my hair. Now that moment had come, and all I told my friends was "I'm sorry, but I cant go." It killed me. It really, really killed me. I wanted to go sooooo bad.

I was surprised one day when my best friend had called me and said, "Mayra, your going to prom. We all pitched in and bought you your ticket and your mom said she will be taking you out to pick your dress." I cried. I was going to prom.

I believe it was a Saturday when my mom, my sister and I went out to look for my prom dress. It took ALL day, but finally I had found the perfect one. I was so excited and could not wait.

Prom night was my very first night I spent away from my daughter, she was about 3 months old and I had left her with my mom. It was so good to be able to see my friends again and my classmates. Everyone asked about the baby and how I was doing. The one very popular question of the night was "So, are you going to graduate?".

Funny how absolutely everyone assumed that I was not going to graduate. I didn't tell them anything, simply said "I guess we will have to see."

In late May I had gone to my independent studies weekly class and my instructor looked at me and said, "Well Mayra, never thought I would say this but...you caught up all of your credits. You have officially graduated before everyone else. I didn't think it would've been possible for you to have caught up so much, but you sure proved me wrong." She then had stood up and leaned over the desk and hugged me. That was the first time someone had showed me that they were proud of me. "Now," she continued, "your next step is to go back to your high school, give the principal these papers proving you have completed your requirements for high school and get signed up to walk on stage."

I couldn't wait to go back to the high school to get put on the list for graduation! Straight after class, I had my sister take me directly to the high school. I remember walking in there, holding my daughter in one hand and in the other hand the papers that I had to give to the principal and my heart was pounding and my hands were sweaty.

After he called me into the office, I gave him my paperwork and said, "I would like to be added to the list to go on stage in two weeks." He looked at the papers, looked at me, looked at the baby, then back at the papers and said, "I'm sorry, but we can't have you at graduation." His voice was so cold and heartless and my heart sunk and immediately my eyes filled with tears.

"But why?!" I was loud. He was not about to tell me that I worked so damn hard for this moment for him to just take it away. I was not letting him.

And he continued, "Well you apparently dropped out and now you want to come back and graduate. We cant have that."

I yelled back at him, "I didn't drop out! I had a baby! And I went on independent studies and completed my requirements for graduation! I finished all I needed to finish and now I should be able to walk on stage with everyone else!"

He just kept shaking his head and said "I'm sorry, but its too late to put you on the list."

I stormed out of his office and yanked the papers from his hands. I went out to the seating area and cried. Then, one of the secretaries there said, "Go talk to the other director. He's in the office down the hall."

I did just that. I walked in there, explained everything to him with tears in my eyes and told him all I wanted was to walk on stage.

I remember he folded his hands over the desk and he looks up at me and says, "You have been at this school since freshman year. You leave in the middle of senior year to have a baby, but, while you were on independent studies you brought it on yourself to complete all of the requirements needed for high school. You now want to go on stage in two weeks with your class. Well Mayra, I believe you deserve to be on this list more than anyone else. You worked hard for it and I don't see why you cant walk on stage. I'm putting you on the list, see you at graduation." I couldn't help but hug him and thank him.

Thankfully they had an extra cap and gown which they let me have!

Two weeks later it was my graduation. I had put my daughter in a cute purple little outfit for that day. And there it was, my moment. I walked on stage and received my diploma while my family cheered for me on the bleachers while they held my baby girl.

After the ceremony, all the families rushed onto the lawn to congradulate their kids. The first thing I did was picked up my daughter and hugged her and then thats when my mom pushed herself through the crowd, walked over to me and hugged me and said "I am so proud of you."

The journey was hard, i'm not going to lie. But I was determined, I was determined to prove everyone wrong. And, I did just that.

With hard work, determination and courage, you could do just about anything you want to do. Don't ever let someone tell you that you cannot do something, because you could do just about anything you set your mind to.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Pregnant at 17

Pregnant at seventeen. Not quite the goal I had for my senior year of high school.



You know how it is, the peer pressure. The whole "everyone else is doing it, so I guess I should too.." scenerio. Been there, done that. Obviously I didn't pay as much attention in sex ed as those other kids who managed to not get knocked up within the second time of having sex.



I was in the bathroom at Wal*Mart when I starred down blankly at a test strip which appeared to have a 'positive' sign glaring back at me. As hard as I studied it, and the longer I stared the + would not change into a -. I closed my eyes, looked up to the cieling, then opened them up and looked back down...and there it was a nice big pink + sign.



"This could not be happening..." I told myself. It was the last week of Jr year of high school, no way in hell did I want to start my senior year PREGNANT.



Summer came and went and soon senior year started. Everyone obviously begins to start "showing" at different times because my very nice flat tummy still remained the very flat tummy. No signs of a growing human in there.



Senior year is supposed to be the best year. It's the year when you could finally say that you have succeeded and are ready to start a life of your own, go out and live the "real life". Make your plans for college and figure out what pathway in life you want to take.



Senior year is not about worrying about giving birth right after the first semester, or about changing diapers, feeding, burping, and having sleep deprived nights. But hey, thats what was in it for me. As hard as I tried to avoid it, the fact that I was a 'pregnant teenager' would not go away.

We all hear about 'dead beat fathers'. Well, the father of my unborn was added to that list.

It was hard being a young, single expectant mother. Even harder trying to finish school at the same time. I had nobody by my side to motivate me, no one to lend me a helping hand and to tell me it would be OK. Instead, I had family telling me that I had screwed up my life, had friends who stopped calling me and hanging out with me. I was alone. Completely alone.

Through my journey I have realized what I needed the most was a friend, someone who understood and has 'been there'. I needed someone to tell me that in the end, everything would be OK. Since I never had that and I went through my journey and obstacles alone, I have decided to be that voice for all young mothers who feel they are alone, because truth is, they are not alone.

I had my daughter in February of 2005, right after the first semester of senior year ended. I went on Independent Studies the week before I gave birth to her. My labor and delivery was very, very complicated. I bled severely and dislocated my pelvic bone after pushing for nearly 3 hours and having no sucess so the vacuum suction was called in. They then requested emergency blood transfusions since I had lost so much blood. I had internal and external lacerations (could you imagine that?!) and had to be stitched up quite a few times. But, the reward was worth it. I had my precious baby girl. All 8lbs, 4 oz and 20" of her. She had a head full of golden brown hair, grey/blue eyes, big chubby rosy cheeks and she was all mine.

I could not have asked for more than that moment. That moment when I heard her first cry and when she was placed into my arms for the very first time. Suddenly nothing mattered anymore, all that mattered was that little piece of heaven I held. I remember tears filled my eyes the second I looked into her eyes, and the tears just rolled down my cheeks and I couldn't help but just begin to cry and cry. For the first time I cried tears of happiness and joy and all sorts of emotions.

I was discharged from the hospital about 2 and a half weeks later since I had gone through so much. During my hospital stay, I needed more blood transfusions, physical therapy because I was unable to walk after dislocating my pelvic bone, and I had continous fevers that would not go away.

I went home with a walker and a pelvic brace. But, most of all, I had come home to a whole new life with a brand new baby.

I'm pretty sure every first parent that brings their child home that very first time always asks themselfs "Now what?". I was home, had my baby..."Now what?". I remember sitting on the couch and she was in the carseat sound asleep, and I just starred at her. I did this for almost 45 minutes before I drifted off to sleep. I had gone through some very exhausting past 2 weeks and my body was hungry for sleep.

I shut my eyes...and I swear it was not even 5 minutes later when my little girl began screaming at the top of her lungs. It jumped me up from my sleep and suddenly I had remembered "Thats right, I have a baby now." At the hospital I had the nurses to help me out, at home, I was on my own.

And...that is when my life had really just started...

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